The Importance of Kinship
Posted:
19 Jamad-ul-Awwal 1424, 19 July 2003
"Whoever
believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain
the bonds of kinship" [Bukhari]
The young man
went to attend the weekly hadith lecture of Sayyidna Abu Huraira, Radi-Allahu anhu but the routine
opening announcement stopped him. “If anyone sitting here has severed any ties
of kinship (qata-ur-rahim), he should leave.”
He recalled that an aunt lived in the town with whom
he had not been on speaking terms. The young man quietly left the gathering and
went straight to his aunt’s home. He asked for forgiveness for his past behavior and sought rapprochement. When the aunt inquired
about the reason for this change of heart, he narrated the entire incident. She
accepted the apology but asked him to inquire from Abu Huraira,
Radi-Allahu anhu, the
reason for this unusual announcement. Why did he leave all the other major sins
and focus only on this? What was so special about ties of kinship? Sayyidna Abu Huraira replied that
he had heard from the Prophet 
that our
deeds are presented to Allah every Thursday night and anyone who has severed
family ties has all his good deeds rejected. He did not want any such person
sitting in his gathering, which was held on the same night,
for fear that it could deprive the entire gathering of blessings. Another hadith explains further the reason for this fear:
“Allah’s mercy will not descend on people among whom there is one who severs
ties of kinship.” [Baihaqi, Shuab Al-Iman]
Maintaining
the bonds of kinship (silatur-rahim) indeed
enjoys extraordinary importance in Islam. Conversely, severing the ties (qata-ur-rahim), is very
high on the list of enormities. At two places in the Qur’an,
Allah has cursed the one severing family ties.
“And those who
break the covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah
has commanded to be joined (i.e. they sever the bond of kinship and are not
good to their relatives) and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse,
and for them is the unhappy home (i.e. Hell)” [Ar-Rad
13:25. See also Muhammad, 47:22-23].
A cursed
person is one who is deprived of the mercy of Allah. It is an indication of
this deprivation that this sin is punished in this world as well as in the
Hereafter. “There is no sin more deserving of having punishment meted out by
Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up
for him in the next world than oppression and severing ties of family.” [Tirmidhi].
Another hadith highlights the high stakes involved here in a
compelling way: “Rahim (family ties) is a word
derived from Ar-Rahman (The Compassionate One)
And Allah says: ‘I shall keep connection with him who maintains you and sever
connection with him who severs you.’” [Bukhari]
Silatur-rahim has been defined as politeness, kind treatment, and
concern for all one’s relatives even if distantly related, corrupt, non-Muslim,
or unappreciative. [Shaikh Abdul Wakil Durubi in Reliance of the
Traveller]. While nearly every religion has emphasized good family
relations, Islam has taken it to unprecedented heights. It is a duty to be
discharged without an eye for reciprocity. A Muslim is required to be kind even
to his non-Muslim relatives. Similarly he is required to be kind to even those
relatives who are harsh to him.
The most
telling example in this regard is that of Sayyidna
Abu Bakr, Radi-Allahu anhu. Among the many people who benefited from his
generosity was a relative Mistah, Radi-Allahu
anhu. The latter, unfortunately became involved in
the scandal about the Mother of Believers, Sayyida
Aisha, Radi-Allahu anha,
which was started by the leader of the hypocrites. It was a whole month of
torment and torture for all involved, after which verses of Surah
Noor were revealed exonerating her and prescribing punishment for those
involved in the false accusation. Feeling hurt and betrayed, Sayyidna Abu Bakr, Radi-Allahu anhu, vowed never to
help Mistah again. Yet the Qur’an
asked him to forget and forgive and continue helping his relative, which he
did. Is there another society that can even come close to this standard in
maintaining family ties?
Islam came to
set all our relationships right. This includes our relations with Allah as well
as with other human beings. Silat-ur-Rahim is
a very important part of the latter.
Today,
unfortunately, these teachings can mostly be found in Muslim societies in their
violation. The best we do today is reciprocate; more
commonly we backbite, cheat, and hurt our relatives and continue the spiral of
hurt and humiliation as they respond. And we just abandon those of our
relatives who are economically unfortunate.
There are
three reasons for this sad situation. First is the widespread ignorance about
Islamic teachings in this regard. Even in various Islamic groups the subject
hardly gets the attention it deserves. Second is the rampant materialism. While
materialism hurts all aspects of our life, it is especially damaging to family
ties for they require sacrifice of time, money and personal comfort. The third
reason has to do with recent history. It is a “gift” of the transformation of
Muslim societies under colonialism.
Industrial
Revolution came at a time when Muslim civilization was in the doldrums. Muslim
historians point out very accurately that the genesis of European Renaissance
and the Industrial Revolution was in the Golden Age of Muslim Spain. Yet it is
also true that it progressed at a time of Muslim decline. And that explains the
form it took and the devastation it caused to the family life. Everywhere it
disrupted human relations. Poet Iqbal pointed to this when he said in his
famous line: The rule of machines is death for the heart. Machine
tools crush compassion. Later, under the influence of colonialism, urban
centers throughout the Muslim world faithfully duplicated all of these
problems. This was just what a blind following of the West promised. Relations
between husband and wife, between parents and children, between workers and
managers, between neighbors, between relatives, in
other words between all segments of society were dealt a devastating blow.
The process
continues in the post industrial, neo-colonial period. To quote one example,
television is rapidly destroying what was left of human relations, cutting off
even members of the same family from each other and engulfing everyone within
his or her own pleasure cocoon, oblivious to the world without. It is just one,
but probably the most subversive and intrusive tool of our so called postmodern global village. Village of
distant neighbors without love and kinship.