By Mr. Mafioso
Street Life Correspondent -
Respect.
Everyone wants it,
few get it.
Why? I'll tell you
why. Respect is earned,
never given. And nowadays, with our rush to do everything yesterday, few
have the will, patience, or perseverance needed to be truly respected. Like
drinking a good espresso , building up respect
requires time and an appreciation of the fine details needed to achieve a
perfect result.
Respect is also directly related to your reputation.
Build up a rep as a "stand-up guy," and respect will follow as a
result.
That said, there are ways to speed up the process -- at least in the
short-term -- with a few shortcuts. For example, get into any position where
you can wield power ( real power, not head of the
janitor club power) and a certain level of respect is awarded to you, not
because you deserve it but because it's part of the package of your new
position.
don't spit on
anyone
I had a police commissioner so deep in my pocket at one time that I could spit
in his face and have him apologize to me for blocking the path of my saliva,
but because of his "post," I refrained from committing such a rude
act. I respect the institution of the American Presidency, so I respect the
President because of his "position," not because he has done anything
to deserve my respect. Capisce?
So, let's be
realistic; the majority of you can't afford a Cadillac, much less buy
yourselves a powerful position, so what can you do to garner some respect immediatamente ?
This is where you
take out a piece of paper and write down what I am about to reveal because I
won't live forever. Here are seven things that won't guarantee you respect, but
will lead you in the right direction. What you have to remember is that these
things aren't done once and forgotten -- they have to be part of a new
lifestyle and image you project.
1-
Dress the part
Regardless of what you've done in the past, how much money you have in your
bank account, how famous you are, or how fat you've become,
a man in a well-tailored
suit will always get treated better than some salame
off the street.
I'm not talking
about just any suit, I mean a well-fitted one,
tailored by a man who left his village in the south of
Keep your mouth
shut and stick to the truth...
2-
Keep silent
I know all of yous think you're geniuses, but the
truth is you aren't. You wouldn't need my advice otherwise. The world would be
a toy in the palm of your hand. So, because you still have a lot to learn, you
are better off just shutting your mouth and listening.
Be discreet, be mysterious, and only say what's necessary. In fact, don't say
anything at all unless you have to. Mistakes are usually made by people who
open their traps without good reason. The less someone knows about you, the
more likely he'll choose to stay at a respectful distance.
When I meet someone
for the first time, I politely salute them and take about two minutes before I
say anything after that. In the meantime, the clown I just met has just told me
where he lives, who he is cheating on his wife with, his credit card numbers,
and how many Viagra pills he has to use to get it up. If you were a little bird
listening in on our conversation, who would you respect more after the two
minutes have passed?
3-
Don't lie
If you do have to open your mouth, stick to what you
know. If I had a nickel for every time some cafone I
met started talking about crap he didn't know about in order to impress me or
get my respect, I'd have two dozen Ferraris in my driveway.
There is no faster way to lose someone's respect than by
lying, especially about stupidities. If you don't know something just say, "I can't really comment." It takes a real man
to admit his shortcomings. If the other party is courteous, they'll ask you what you
do, and then you'll have an opportunity to talk about something that can make
you look like Einstein.
4-
Never smile (keep that for the mistress)
Every time I see a wiseguy showing all his teeth, a
picture of a crocodile always comes to my mind. When you're a man of respect, you're also a man of
caution. Smiling is like letting your guard down and may make others
think you're a snake or a used car salesman (like my brother-in-law, the
son-of-a-bitch always has an alligator smile -- he reeks of cunning).
Withhold a smile,
and everyone knows that you are a serious man who's not easily impressed. Nine
times out of 10, the other person will try even harder to get your approval.
Who respects who in this situation?
But by all means,
show your pearly whites when the doors are closed and your mistress brings her
bisexual Spaniard friend Lola for a little bedroom action. At that point, the
only respect you are thinking about is if she sw...
5-
Confidence & humility
I might be stating the obvious, but a man with confidence attracts people like
a hooker at a prison camp. Confidence,
even if it just includes having a good swagger, good posture, or good
mannerisms, projects the
image of someone in control, who knows what he's doing and can get the job
done. A man with confidence says, "you can trust
my abilities" and "respect my words."
Look someone in the
eye. A confident man never spots any dirt on his shoes because he's never
looking down.
Remember the fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence has to be
balanced with a good dose of humility. Only a jackass likes to brag. Someone
introduces you and says, "Mr. M is really smart, his organization made $10
million last year."
You answer,
"Even with the greatest leadership skills in the world, without a good
crew made of smart soldiers, I couldn't have done anything. A man alone cannot
accomplish anything." What have you done? You've acknowledged your
abilities while praising others. What a stand-up guy you are.
Rude guys never get
anything from anyone...
6-
Be polite - reciprocate respect & courtesy
When you meet someone, you shouldn't smile like a donkey, but you shouldn't be
impolite either. Being guarded doesn't mean you can't be courteous. Good manners imply refinement,
and refinement implies class; a man with class is a man that has traits worth
respecting.
No one ever went to
war because his enemy was too courteous or polite. Politeness doesn't mean
being a wimp either. It means not being a jerk.
7-
Have a good memory
One of the first things I
tell the young turks in my
crew is to develop
a good memory because it won't just save their jackasses one day, it
can score them a lot of points with business associates. You look like a fool
when you don't remember the name of someone you were introduced to just 30
seconds before.
Remembering someone's name and something they told you
proves that you are a man who pays attention to detail, and is attentive,
intelligent and savvy. You don't have to repeat some drunken tirade he told you at your sister's
wedding; remembering a name is sufficient, and it makes the person feel good
(you get bonus points if you remember something about his kids). And what will
he think? "What a stand-up guy, I like him. He even remembered my
name."
end of story
I'll be the first to admit that I'm no rocket scientist: this advice is pretty
straightforward. Some things you probably already do, some you don't. Applying
all seven of these rules means you have to change your lifestyle, the way you
act with people you've known for years, but if it is instant respect you want,
you have to pay the price.
Just do what I said
for a couple of days and you'll see the difference. Walk into a restaurant in a
Canali suit, with your head up and good posture, get
a table, and order your food. When you get to the wine list, ask the waiter
about a French wine you're not familiar with.
Don't say a word to
the waiter until the end of the night, except for "thank you"
whenever he brings you something. Don't show your dentures. At the end of the
evening, repeat what the waiter told you about the wine, and give your own
opinion if you are a connoisseur. Leave a 20% tip. He may only be a waiter but
it's a start on the respectability trail.
Watch your backs
and keep your noses clean.